A self-loathing “Why?”

why am i sensitive
why am i used
why am i insulted
why am i naive
why?

why is she intolerant
why is she self-obsessed
why did she use
and abuse me
why?

i was stupid
i never learn
she was unthinking
and was blinking
she missed me in an instant

i miss her too
why?

Planetary Nebular

Planetary Nebular – PDF

1

Deep deep is there any other way to describe it because I don’t know but it’s
beyond deep freeze and motionless because of course there is no time I’m just
speculating anyhow but we are told hold on here are some waves this really
is a vast place there’s oceans of space and now I think I feel some movement

From nothing to something no matter for black or white it’s all required and
it doesn’t matter because it is matter after all that’s formed just think all this
potentiality can lead somewhere and the progress as we all oscillate together
in giant clusters and create dubbed cosmic ripples becomes gaseous forms

Dense impenetrable glowing fog the temperatures rising and explosions of
fireballs expand to form a cloud of incandescent gas penetrating a nebular
galaxy and it is from within there that I feel some kind of critical density do
you know stars pass in vast numbers through nothingness as I reach………

Some kind of atmosphere but it all becomes perceptual soon enough still dense
nothingness but also deep humming maybe something yes a sphere out of nothing
ness and motion that creates life and of course the impenetrable star blowing
forth of rays of energy we have placenta our spinning globe planet earth we here

How can you explain but seemly from nothing came something we are all made
up of everything up there here or wherever space is but us see
everything became textures degrees of something and thus we get rock and
water thus solids and the air to breathe beings in the ordinary sense do exist

2

Now drifting for it seems like ages but how do I know what time is I’m like a
new born baby I am a new born baby and everywhere is blue and yes there is light
too much water though this atmosphere is changing so often once it’s dry windy then
torrential wet what is that yes but we all move and some kind of potentiality

There’s a curvature I can see it in the horizon there’s an afterglow in the sky at night
happenings out there in the deep deep impenetrable some forming and everything’s
like a balloon the boundaries have altered quantum fluctuations blown by inflation
and the variations on this planet are expanding a right old nebular humdrum activity

Billowing in the wind and the rain was put to good use seasons become settled
and to roam alternating nature such variations of colours in a blur and the impression
before me bearing fruits of joy and how on Earth can all this come from nothing
or seemingly nothing from the depths of timeless state and this begs the question

Lifeforms why if are they here similar in nature or differing in form I must soon see
because I have eaten my fill the apple and pear near to perfection soft and bright
beings of motion are near for now a new sensation that tingles my mind through the
foliage green expanse a voice to those silent fireballs in the sky lifeforms just are

Sound also oscillates comes in waves depending on which lifeforms volleys forth
brief ontological phenomenon before me animals scatter through nature this is
our home dear evolved humans and there could be perfection if you look and I do
and I see subtle limbs and graceful movements the human form this would have

Been the time when reproduction would have been a strong inclement and then
came more energy to the cause and this motion gives me the idea of the deep vast
nether land of yonder and how movement formed this nebular to equate it with this
specie activity and I wonder will something come of this too

Performing actions in order to achieve something the odyssey of consciousness but
which came first no matter it’s here we’re here and now the questions will arise
because there will still always be chaos collisions and from time to time critical
density to probe the intellect I’m thinking now the subject’s as vast as nothingness

3

Round and round we go out of nowhere going somewhere or at least stationary
in movement how do we work it out where do we find springy matter how do we
have it this is eternal and I we you them him her the starry dynamo and oracle of
destiny do we oscillate or is that the universe big or small every question is valid

The sphere can be defined as circular indeed one of our better inventions the wheel
we use nature to influence or we did but we should because everything came first
from there some looked for the forms in nature to recreate for our own comfort
we have done that to invent (what does that mean) means to copy means to exist

But we misinterpret all the time and because of this we have disasters natural disaster
so they say who’s kidding who now to concentrate on man-made errors and beg the
question is it natural or human thought is not perfect after all either way who needs to
know why lets just work it out together I can see you you can see me

So how do we act now we see each other when we meet person to person animal
to animal we evolve our chat we can be outwardly pleasant in nature the beauty of
beauty things are brutal death for food strongest are fittest I’ve seen small die big gets
away with it but when the mind becomes then size doesn’t matter remember

Its all matter observable and in space so its clear what we have to do scriptures say
so inquiry into whether there is a set way for individuals we act as we please is that
all bad because I know I do it sometimes detailed instance no set way because if I like
you you may not like me but if its set as in law then you must like me see what

I mean every action is random in context but everything’s too self conscious
you see primate we see and table out situations as deemed fit but how do we each
sort an action in focus arm moves out slowly uses this bodily tool to obtain planetary produce live within nature through design and that’s another topic of human activity

Using our limbs roaming through beautiful nature mountainous rocks leer to the sky
passage through and green all around if bodily needs satisfied now animal desires are
stirred love is said to be an emotion I look at it in motion far above one couple under a
street lamp glows orange an embrace wet cheeks the nature of the beast

The pain of a heart is never worse that when its explosion love is like that and nothing
lasts forever the nature of the beast she was crying because he left her I was crying
sometime too you have he has she is now but it wasn’t always that remember the high
feelings when together limbs move through nature brief scenes of joy

But we had to accommodate for brief joy we construct and protect against the
elements high structures low opposites we find our nature is not same together
because everything’s variable random one hundred thousand sperm we propagate
for those brief scenes of joy we do it over and over again overload

Load overload upon overload load we can’t sustain this anymore eternal expansion
may happen up there doesn’t mean its a good thing baby because now there’s critical
density which is it the end who knows about that but this consciousness may give way
to another or nothingness nothingness apparently the universe lives longest

EPILOGUE

This cosmic background is a story of evolution movement movement and everything
does this way we get by on a giant performing stage introducing the late great
Mr Time the only concept running I’m asking the question are we extraterrestrial did we climb the stars as we exist why should we not know about it oh cloud of gas

Incandescent gas of course this human life is a planetary nebular we glow and we
spread misty objects in the heavens particles of nature hazy light irregular darkness
good bad all opposites and everything in-between nature as seen through a screen
I started and now I’m finished and we’ve come full circle

The Poetry Of Bad Language

D.I.Y. Poetry Swear Slam
D.I.Y. Poetry Swear Slam

Melancholy

1

even the name prompts a deep muse
deep breath and your torso expands
softly you blow your cheek out like a bruise

what to do with your mind then
like a deep blue sky blotted with
pure white clouds in the expanse of a glen

the broad scenery surrounds you
much traversed from far ashore
limbs are tired and feet are sore

melancholy through to the bone
like an inane sense of folly
a long, long way from home

2

stopping on your way deep in thought
where does one go from here?
your ideals and your hopes have all been bought

in time everyone wonders if they are lost
and can it be that we are or does this
world deceive? in the distance the mountains are capped with frost

walking you feel softly in your breast
the flutter of a temperate heart
it imbues your melancholy with a rhetorical tart

that your mind rejoices at the inherent emotion
which must lead to a voice of nature
within you that at once fatigues you like a potion

3

back you sink into the numbing sphere
of melancholy feelings
it leads your mind to fear

the dormant motion that resides inside you
like an immense weight drops
that forces you to sink down too

but one must fight such expressions
to force with all your might
to rise heaven-wards that you might express

so what is melancholy to a wandering
spirit such as yourself with no hierarchy?
we must all swim in a sea of anarchy

4

No but that isn’t the way of a real melancholy
because a person finds it hard
to focus in on a wandering mind
a mind that drifts so and you are melancholy
because there is no substance to fill in the pictures

Melancholy is a puzzle it has no rhyme
the poet looks for this
creates a style from the natural forms
around and maybe it has no rhyme
but it is for the reader to enjoy because
the poet is melancholy
the poet is bored

Searching

I saw you the other day standing on the edge of the
pier
in the very mists of splendour as the sun went down
beckoning in the dark night
I stood and watched and wrapped my coat around
me
it was getting cold and the darkness in my heart
called out for you standing on the edge of the pier
Looking at you my mind rejoiced
the darkness
recoiled and my heart flared for an instant as West flew
a flock of birds through
the wind

In my solitude I stand at the edge of the pier and watch
the red rose float by in the water
the sun almost down I wait for you
The thin clouds towards the horizon gives a palette of
colours
and in my mind I choose your favourite colour and I paint you
standing on the edge of the pier
You didn’t come that night onto the pier to stare at the foreboding
dark waters
to watch the bird swoop
dive and catch the morsel only to fly high deep into the sky again
So I leave the pier with my arms wrapped around me
I’m cold
and I pass people on both sides as I am wondering where you are
tonight

I walk the streets but they are unforgiving
and I want you and I’m crying out without you
but there are no answers
Tomorrow
I shall be with my Angel tomorrow

I’m at the edge of the pier again and I see you there in front of
me
calling me and showing me the way
You’re off the edge of the pier
I hold out my arms but your falling
falling
endlessly falling and I’m calling your name
Angel
as you drown sinking into the depths your love goes with
you

Tonight I’m crying at the edge of the pier
the sun went down a long time ago
just like my dreams
just like you
Someone is standing next to me and I ask
‘Did you see that girl the other day?’
and you say, ‘She’s drowned,’ and to yourself
‘a sweet Angel’
I watch the water and its getting nearer and the splash is cold
but I don’t wear my coat tonight
Here I am and my Angel brings me down
down
Down to our dreams we swim

(1994)